I’ve resisted the urge to talk out of school - it’s been hard but, up to now I’ve done it...

So, I’m a bachelor again. I can’t say I‘m completely happy about it, if it were my choice it wouldn’t be the case but, I didn’t feel like I had much say in the matter.

On one level, I am very fortunate - I got to share my life for seven years with a truly wonderful person. Things weren’t always great, granted, in relationships they rarely are, but I was very, very happy with the person I was with.

Somehow, I was fortunate enough to be graced with this wonderful, intelligent and beautiful creature who came into my world and made it a much better, nicer place. Not only that but, for the first time I felt a connection with the person I was with, I felt like we were a family and when it was good I can honestly say nothing else in my life has ever come as close to the joy I felt being with her.

Well, as many people find these days, somehow we lost our way. There was a subtext to the relationship, we both knew was there but, neither if us had the tools to deal with it. I’d like to say there was a clear way to assign blame to one party or another but, the truth is there really wasn’t (at least from my vantage point - you’d have to ask her to find out if she agreed).

Anyway, it was “the elephant in the room” if you get my drift and it hung over us for awhile - and with an elephant in the room it was hard for there to be movement of any kind. I imagine, a relationship is a bit of an organic thing, it needs to grow and change (hopefully for the better) or it dies. Our relationship stopped growing.

I even think we got to a point where there was a bitter truce if you would and neither of us would give ground anymore. So, we stared across that divide that separated us, not enemies but certainly not friends, just combatants at an uneasy truce. Maybe we both felt there was no more ground to give, no more sacrifice to make and so inevitably, one day we wound up going our separate ways.

I cried, I was angry, the whole range of emotions I went through, for a lot of the time I hoped it was just a period we were going through - a storm if you will and one day we’d get to that place where the waters would be calm, the sun would be shining and we‘d be sailing clear seas again.

But, that’s not the way things go.

I still love the person dearly - there may be times when I descend into bitterness or anger but, I’ve been trying hard not to let it get the better of me and I’ve been trying hard not to dwell on it (or at least the more negative aspects of the situation) knowing it will do me little good.

I still feel like I missed something (I even said as much well after the fact) but, I know she’s happier and I take some solace in that. Yeah, there are times it bothers me but, she was unhappy for a long time and the hardest thing in the world is to see someone you love unhappy and feel powerless to do anything about it.

I wanted only to be a positive force in her life and I think at there came a point where none of my stories were new anymore, none of my ideas fresh, being together was only a reminder of the disappointment and anger she felt towards me. I stayed away for awhile, I didn’t want to but, it was becoming clear it was the only way she would move forward. I miss her but, it‘s what had to happen.

My only hope is maybe one day we’ll be friends and that’s all I’m ever going to say about it here...

...Oh, and not a day goes by I don’t miss her but, at least I have the solace of not knowing what good things lie around the corner waiting for me — I’m a better man for having been with her.